|
|
|
|
1. Find someone who laughs at the same things you laugh at. A shared sense of humor will make the good times better and the bad times less difficult.
2. If you want several children, choose a man whose skills and education will put him in the high salary category.
3. If you want a career, don't marry a man who hates his job. He will resent the time and attention that you give yours.
4. Two red flags: Does he have a hot temper, and is he hung up on his mother? These are two negatives that inevitably get worse after marriage, and both can be disastrous.
5. Don't get married because you're afraid to be alone. No wife is more alone than the one whose husband pays no attention to her.
6. No matter how wonderful his other qualities may be, do not marry a man who has hit you, threatened you, or humiliated you.
Now some of those are pretty thoughtful. There's a bit of wisdom
in every one of these six words of advice as to how to choose
a husband. The creation of a good marriage is a subject of interest
for just about everyone.
Wisdom for Everyone
One of the things that makes the book of Proverbs such a helpful
book of the Bible for us in our ministry to those who don't know
the Lord is that it also touches on very real, practical issues.
It puts us on the same street as the non-Christian; it talks about
life as we encounter it, and we discover that not only are we
ourselves helped by its wisdom, but we have something to offer
those young people, neighbors or others in our lives who are interested
in the things that we are. This is a book in which, as we saw
last week, wisdom calls out in the streets, not in the religious
community. It's a book for the world.
There's something missing, though, isn't there, in the wisdom
of Ann Landersa great hole at the center of that advice. In fact,
just the title of the six proverbs suggests the hole: "Six
Rules for Choosing a Husband." The learner is assumed to
be an individual endeavoring to find a man who will meet her needs
in a marriage relationship. The idea in these six proverbs is
to find the right person to make you happy. What is not addressed
in the six proverbs is how to become a person who can succeed
in marriage; how to trust God for healing, forgiveness, and renewal
yourself, woman or man, so that you bring something to contribute
to the marriage you're entering into.
Furthermore, there is nothing said here about the mystery the
Bible speaks of, that marriage is an illustration to teach us
about Jesus Christ and his church. It overlooks the fact that
marriage is something much more than just a human enterprise;
it's a signpost to the heavens. Nothing is said in Ann Landers
about that. There's no thought given to the question of how one's
spiritual gifts complement those of a spouse so that they might
serve God more effectively. What's missing, in summary, is all
the perspective that the Bible gives for marriage. Unrecognized
is the role of God overcoming loneliness by giving a man and woman
to one another, or the certainty that failures and inadequacies
can be a springboard for growth. "The fear of the Lord is
the beginning of wisdom," and little of lasting value is
gained without humility before the Lord.
Another observation we've made that sets the context is that the
initial chapters of the book of Proverbs present a series of lessons
that a father is teaching his son. A godly father is with his
young son, an early adolescent, we can well imagine, and with
his arm around him, is talking to him about life. That is very
obviously the case as we turn to Prov.2:1, which is the second
of these discourses. The father begins:
My son, if you will
receive my sayings, And treasure my commandments within you,
Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding;
For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding;
If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures....
Eventually in the maturing process we begin to think God's thoughts
after him
Listen Carefully
Now this is clearly a son who is just beginning to face adult
realities and to become responsible for himself. The sayings and
commandments are offered as new, wisdom's treasures yet to be
discovered. Now look over at Proverbs 3 for a moment. It has a
different beginning to it: "My son, do not forget my teaching."
Remember the things learned. We'll see when we get to Prov.3 that
the image before us there is that of a grown son whose danger
later in life is forgetting the things that he learned, the foundation
that was put in place to begin with. But Proverbs 2 is clearly
the word of a father to a young man who is about to embark on
life in the real world.
The young man is to begin by being receptive to the words, the
commands, the revelation that his father will present to him.
His father, a godly mentor, has taken in the truths of God, understands
the Scriptures, and has sensitivity to how they apply to life.
It's the job of the young son, to begin with, to sit still and
listen. He is to receive his father's sayings and treasure them.
"Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to
understanding."
Then the son is to become active, having listened carefully and
recognized in humility that he doesn't know everything yet. He
is to begin to actively pursue and live out the things that he
has learned. He is to cry for discernment, lift his voice for
understanding, seek her as silver, search for her as for hidden
treasure, and so on. He is to get involved, apply, seek out and
care about the things of God.
For the second time in my life, I'm embarked on the process of
teaching a child to drive. It's a unique experience. Learning
to drive is a rite of passage that everybody has to go through.
Most of the adults in this room have drivers' licenses, I imagine,
and you remember learning to drive yourself. There is a great
deal of enthusiasm built in. It's not like teaching your son how
to weed the garden or something he's not at all interested in.
Driving a car is something in which you can count on interest,
to begin with, because the child realizes that if the skill is
gained, all kinds of opportunities open up. Doors open, freedom
is gained, there are places to go, things to do, girls to impress!
And it's true for many kids that, especially as they get toward
age 15, they start watching you behind the wheel. And their initial
sense is, "I know what the deal is. You sit on the left side
instead of the right side. You put the key in. You push the pedals,
and the car goes." So you need to insist on receptivity to
start with. "Now sit still for a moment. I have a few things
I have to tell you. First, the mechanical operation of the car
is more difficult than you thought. It seems easy when someone
who knows what they're doing does it, but it is a skill that I
need to teach you about. But beyond mechanical operation there
is also all the business of traffic, alertness, defensive driving,
and varieties of road and weather conditions. I need for you,
child of mine, to sit still and let me teach you for awhile."
Then, however, there has to be an engagement in the business of
driving. Having listened, the child has to get behind the wheel
and try his hand. That's how the father of Proverbs 2 is thinking
of the moral life. He's saying, "The world is complicated,
dangerous, and wonderful. There are pitfalls, and I want to tell
you what's out there. Listen carefully and then learn to care
about it yourself. Care about living a life that's worth while.
Cry out for wisdom, search for what's really worth knowing."
The process continues, then, from being a listener, to being a
doer, and finally to the center of it all, in Prov.2:5:
Discerning Fear of the Lord
We parents hope for our children to listen to us, to step out
into life, and by the grace of God, to come to that point, having
cared about what's valuable, of encountering the living God himself.
Now you'll notice in Prov.2:6 that it is God who goes on to teach
wisdom. I want to talk about that in a minute, but verse 5 makes
a very important statement about something that is prior to learning
from God, and that is that we must fear him and know him as a
living person. The center of things is not what God says. The
center of things, the heart of wisdom, is the living God himself.
Derrick Kidner, in his commentary on Proverbs, says that this
verse marvelously holds together two poles, awe and intimacy,
the fear of God and the knowledge of God. Knowledge suggests closeness,
understanding, love, and intimacy. Fear suggests awe, respect,
and reverence. The young man embarking on life who finds this
God has found the center of everything. Then the process continues
on in Prov.2:6:
Look carefully at what's happened. The father has talked to his
son and has helped him get started living life. The son has found
a relationship with the living God, and now it is the mouth of
the Lord, not the mouth of the father that is the teacher. Now
it is God himself who is discipling the son, and not the father.
I think this a wonderful insight as to what it means to be a parent.
We begin the process assuming a role of great influenceteaching
and modeling the truth. We urge our children to receive instruction
and then to spread their wings and try things on their own. The
goal is to work ourselves out of a job, so that our kids are dependent
on the Lord himself.
One of the phenomena of our day that strikes me every time I encounter
it is young adults who are increasingly afraid of leaving home.
More and more people into their late 20's and early 30's are living
with their parents. They are in some way emotionally traumatized
by the world that is out there. Some have tried marriage once,
and that didn't work, and now they have no confidence in themselves,
and they don't know where to go. They hope for the protection
of the generation who have gone before them. What we long to do
is give our children a relationship with God and free them to
be discipled by the Master himself so that they can make their
way in life and be for their generation representatives of the
King.
The Lord's Protection
The imagery in Prov.2:7 and following is that of a journey, you'll
notice. "He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding
the paths of justice...the way of His godly ones." A walk,
a path, and a way all suggest some kind of journey, getting from
one place to the next. That's a good metaphor for life, isn't
it? And the Lord is there in wisdom to protect the one journeying.
One of his gifts is to give shielding, guarding, and protection,
because there are cliffs that you can fall off of, wrong turns
that you can make on this side or that side, and forks in the
road where you need direction. The writer of Proverbs is very
clear in 2:12,16:
This journey needs the presence of God, the wisdom of God, and
he becomes a shield and protector.
My wife Leslie and I were in Mexico this last week. Coming back,
the journey home took us through four different airports, three
different flights, two different countries, and at least two languages.
It seemed to me that some of the people we talked to didn't speak
either Spanish or English in a way I could recognize! That trip
from where we began in Mexico back to our home was pretty complicated.
If you weren't used to international travel, especially if you
didn't speak either one of the languages involved in getting from
where we started to where we ended up, you could find yourself
a bit overwhelmed trying to discover where to go in what airport
for which destination, which document to produce for what official,
which X-rays to have for which baggage, which gate to go through
at what time. It's a complex process getting from one terminal
to another, hurrying from here to there, and anticipating all
the problems. And life is like that. Life's journey is infinitely
more complex that the Mexico City Airport. It requires the wisdom
of God to help us on the way.
The last point I'd like to make in this section of Proverbs 2
is the teaching of verses 9 and 10. We have moved from the words
of the father to engagement in trying life to discovering the
fear and knowledge of God, hearing the word of God and becoming
attentive to him, reading the Scriptures and praying. The last
step in this maturing process, in Prov.2:9, says this:
Eventually in the maturing process what happens is that we begin
to think the thoughts of God after him, don't we? We have learned
enough and have been discipled enough by our God that we begin
to see life the way he does. It is not just a voice external to
us, the Spirit of God whispering to us, but the things that God
thinks become our own convictions. They enter our heart. We begin
to be able to trust our judgment more and more because we have
learned the hard lessons of life. Such are the people we look
to for leadership and seek out for advice. Those are the people
who become the fathers for the next generation.
One of the things that occasionally concerns me about modern evangelicalism
is a failure to acknowledge the place of this sort of mature wisdom.
Many Christians feel as if it's more spiritual to have visions
and ecstatic prophecies, some kind of miraculous intervention
from God directing people one way or another, directing a church
to start this or stop that. But I think that's really a sign of
immaturity. The most mature individual or congregation is the
one that can think, having been trained by the word of God, the
way God thinks. They can look at the world they live in and see
where open doors exist, help people discover their gifts and set
them on their way, and can see God at work in the collective thinking.
That I believe is suggested by Prov.2:9-10. "Wisdom will
enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul."
It becomes your own.
"Do not forget"
This son has grown up beautifully before our eyes, hasn't he?
He has godly parents who care enough to both instruct and urge
involvement. He has come to a knowledge of the living God and
then has become a learner as the Lord disciples him. He's growing,
and he has become someone who is wonderful to know, bright and
thoughtful. Increasingly he thinks the way God thinks. He is somebody
you'd seek out, somebody you'd like to have for your friend or
your neighbor.
Now comes the second danger. We encounter it in Prov.3:1-10:
The goal is to work ourselves out of a job, so that our children
are dependent on the Lord.
The young man has grown to maturity, and is now in his adulthood.
Yet he needs to hear from his elderly father, doesn't he? At that
point in his life, his father is no longer part of his daily life,
but the occasional adviser; not the director, but the godly, sage,
caring grandfather who comes to his son and says, "Son, remember.
In the day when success leads to the tendency to forget where
it came from, remember my words."
Prov.3:2 suggests that he is living a peaceful life. And the wiser
the man and the wiser the woman, the more likely they are to live
at peace; they anticipate problems and avoid them. They live successful
lives and perhaps lengthy ones. Verse 8 talks about healing to
the body, refreshment to the bones. Verse 10 speaks of gaining
significant wealth and prosperity. The happier this life is, the
more at ease we are, the less likely we are to pray and focus
our attention back to the God who gave them all.
The father uses strong language: "Bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart"these commands, these
words about the fear and knowledge of God, this business about
the centrality of the Master, the Creator himself. Bind them around
your neck. This is referring to some kind of leather strap that
you wear as a necklace that is close to your heart, present in
front of you so you're aware of it all the time. A tablet is not
a piece of parchment; it's not like one of those little Post-its
that you write on and stick on your refrigerator. A tablet was
made of clay, stone, or something else that had to be chiseled
into. It's for something you're taking very seriously; it's supposed
to last. You're to chisel these truths into the tablet of your
heart.
Trust in the Lord
He's urging activity on the part of this son because he's come
to a point in his life where grave issues are at stake. He has
a good reputation with God and man, he has everything he wanted
in life, he's living long, and he's healthy and successful. He
needs to chisel into the tablet of his heart the warning that
it is the fear of God that is the beginning and center of everything.
Proverbs3:7 suggests the alternative doesn't it? "Do not
be wise in your own eyes." That's really the warning that
concerns this father.
Proverbs 3:5 is a memory verse for many of us. Perhaps you grew
up in a Sunday School class or some other place where you were
urged to memorize Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the LORD with all
your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all
your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
This is the great reminder: Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
And make not only the positive but the negative choice, and refuse
to lean on your own understanding. Do both at the same time: Trust
in the Lord with all your heart and deliberately refuse to trust
yourself. The word "all" is prominent in Proverbs 3:5.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, in all your ways acknowledge
him. Don't allow areas of your life where God has no access. You
need to give him all your heart, all your ways. This decision
to place God first and not lose sight of the giver of gifts is
very important.
We read the story of Joseph (Genesis 39) this morning. He's an
example of the wisdom of Proverbs in many ways. He was raised
by a good father, but at an early age underwent a series of tragedies.
At the hands of his brothers, as you know, he was sold into slavery
in Egypt, in Potiphar's house. And yet everywhere he went things
came up roses for him. He was a brilliant young man, capable,
handsome, a "golden boy." His activities brought riches
to his master, so Potiphar kept giving him more responsibility,
and everything that Joseph touched turned to gold. He was succeeding,
gaining power and authority, doing well in his field of endeavor.
It's exactly at that point that an offer was made, not only to
have the riches of Potiphar's house, but to have the wife of Potiphar.
He was being given the opportunity to supplant his master.
Those are the dangers that come along with success, always at
an oblique angle, something unsuspected, if we're not well defended
against them. But Joseph was very clear-headed, wasn't he? "How
could I sin against God?" His master didn't deserve to have
him treat him this way, but the heart of his statement to Potiphar's
wife was that he couldn't sin against God. He lived his life in
the presence of a God whom he respected utterly. Because of that
he would not give in to her, to the point of running out of the
house and leaving his cloak behind.
Honor God First
He had so deeply chiseled into his own heart the wisdom of the
Lord that he didn't forget it in the midst of great success. The
practical exhortation of Prov. 3:9-10 make the point in just one
area of life. It's very pointed: "Honor the Lord from your
wealth, and from the first of all your produce; so your barns
will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new
wine." If you wouldn't have your financial success overtake
you, seduce you, and keep your heart from the Lord, then give
from the very first of your produce. As the first choice in what
you do with material blessings, give to God's work and honor his
name, as a way of reminding yourself of the lesson that the grandfather
now speaks to his son.
Humble Obedience
Finally, remember the words of Jesus to the Pharisees. He said,
"You pay tithe of mint and rue [the smallest seed in the
garden] and every kind of garden herb...." (Luke 11:42.)
The Pharisees would count out 10 cabbages, 10 carrots, 10 sunflower
seeds, 10 of everything. And very meticulously, they'd take one
of each batch of 10 and set it aside for the Lord's work. He also
said the Pharisees broadened their phylacteries (Matthew 23:5).
The phylacteries were devices used to bind the word of God to
your bodyyour wrist or forehead or some other place. They'd take
little portions of the word of God, put it in a pouch, and literally
fix it to their head or arm with leather straps. But the Pharisees
weren't just concerned with getting the thing attached; they did
it with broad phylacteries so that everyone could see. This business
of putting God first was all done for show. It was done mechanically,
it was done with pride, and Jesus said it would send them to hell.
The last word I would offer us in considering Proverbs 2 and 3
is that even hearing "trust in the Lord with all your heart"
and determining to do it is not enough. Even in that we can become
Pharisaical if we do not proceed with humility and recognize our
own capacity for failure, self-love, and sin. We must depend on
Jesus and only on him for everything. This business of living
life in the streets, learning the wisdom of God, has to everlastingly
be attended by enough humility that we never assume that we can
live it out in our own strength.
|
|
Copyright © 1991 Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. This data file is the sole property of Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. It may be copied only in its entirety for circulation freely without charge. All copies of this data file must contain the above copyright notice. This data file may not be copied in part, edited, revised, copied for resale or incorporated in any commercial publications, recordings, broadcasts, performances, displays or other products offered for sale, without the written permission of Discovery Publishing. Requests for permission should be made in writing and addressed to Discovery Publishing, 3505 Middlefield Rd. Palo Alto, CA. 94306-3695.
