The story is one that the father could see played out on the
streets in front of him as he sat in his home by a window. There's
latticework of some kind outside the window. The home has a bit
of a barricade around it, if you will. It's a place of warmth,
we can imagine, on the inside. Father and son are speaking, and
the story unfolds.
The Fool
There are two characters in the story. The first one we're introduced
to is a naive youth. He is hanging around with a group of his
contemporaries, some gang of equally naive youths. The setting
suggests that he is mostly influenced in his life by those like
himself rather than by those who have attained maturity. You may
remember the story of Solomon's son Rehoboam, who chose to rebel
against the Lord and against all that was right when the kingdom
became his own, because he listened not to the advice of the older,
wiser heads but to that of the young Turks who surrounded him.
The best thing we can give to young people in our lives is certainty
that no matter whether anybody else dotes on them or not, they
are the deeply cared for child of their heavenly Father.
One of the things I pay most attention to as a father to my children
is knowing who their companions are, having some sense of what
things their peers are suggesting to them, praying that they choose
good friends, and doing everything I can to steer them away from
those who aren't a healthy influence. Beyond that, I try to provide
wise guidance myself as their father, and I urge them to have
relationships with other people who are older and wiser and who
love the Lord, so they won't hear just from their contemporaries.
The young man now begins to walk away from the crowd of companions,
and there's a bit of aimlessness about his walk, isn't there?
He's passing through streets, not going any particular place that
he's aware of. His very drift in life, his hazy focus on things,
leads him into a situation where the danger increases. His feet
take him where he ought not go. The ominous observations in Prov.7:9
bring a sense of drama to the story. "In the twilight, in
the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness."
Twilight becomes midnight; half-light turns to no light. The young
man has come further into the darkness in a place where he is
going to face an adversary he is no match for, and he doesn't
realize it.
If you've been in a casino, you'll recognize the same kind of
phenomenon in the environment they build for gamblers, especially
compulsive gamblers. There are never windows in a casino. The
interior lights never change. Attempts are made to deliberately
hide from the individual any observation that it is growing darker
outside, or that his circumstances are getting worse. There are
never clocks in a casino that might cause you to notice what's
happening to you. Every effort is made to muffle any warning about
what is coming.
And this young man doesn't see what's happening to him, either.
This morning Craig Duncan read the powerful final paragraph of
1 Corinthians 6. It's filled with a call of warning by the apostle
Paul to wake up, be alert, see what's happening! Three times the
phrase, "Do you not know," is used. 1 Cor.6:15: "Do
you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?" 1Cor:6:16:
"Do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot
is one body with her?" 1 Cor.6:19: "Do you not know
that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom
you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have
been bought with a price..." Yet this young man has no warning
going off in his mind. There is no wisdom that has been instilled
in his heart that might call out to him. It goes from twilight
to midnight; it's getting darker, and he will soon be overtaken.
The Seducer
The second person in the drama is the seducer, a woman who is
the precise opposite of the young man. Whereas he is described
as naive, in Prov.7:10 she is described as cunning. She knows
exactly what she's doing. She is focused like a heat-seeking missile
on a target that she has every intention of using for her own
purposes. She is going where she intends to go for reasons that
she is well aware of. She has made preparation in her home; her
bed, the couch for caresses, the perfume, the coverings from Egypt
have all been made ready long before she encounters the young
man. Whereas the young man wanders through the streets, she lurks
purposely at every corner. She has a strategy.
The heart of her strategy is to communicate to the naive soul
in her clutches, "You are special, you are unique! You are
wonderful, desirable!" Everything she says leads him to believe
that her intense interest in him is based on some remarkable quality
of his own. It flatters him. Later we'll hear the father warn
his son not to let the adulteress flatter him with her words.
It is this flattery and desire she expresses for him, phony and
deceitful as it may be, this intense interest that she shows in
him, that snares him.
And she immediately grabs him and kisses him. It's the first thing
she does when she sees him, as if he were so irresistible, so
physically desirable that she had no choice. She is swept away
by the physical magnificence of our young fool! In Prov.7:15 she
makes the point directly: "Therefore I have come out to meet
you, to seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you (O
magnificent one)!" That's heady stuff for a young man. All
of us want to be wanted. We all long to be desirable, to be sought
out, approved of, affirmed, and longed for.
The Seduction
Now, she has a number of other things to say that surround that
central message of his desirability to her. One is, "It's
festival time, party time! It turns out that I was just in the
templefunny coincidence that we should meet on just such an occasionand
I paid my peace offering." The prescription in Leviticus
is, having done that, to take the meat that's left over, bring
it home, and share it in a festive atmosphere. So she says, "I
was just throwing this party as it turns out, and then I found
you, O delight of my eyes." So she's created an environment
in which what can they do but party? That's the prescription for
the evening.
She makes some other points that are very important, too. She
begins to allude to the caresses, the drinking their fill of love,
the anointed bed, the coverings from Egypt. She is physically
very seductive; the promises of erotic delight are drawn powerfully
by her. And lastly she says, "We'll get away with itwe can't
possibly get caught. My husband's gone on a long journey. He took
a lot of money. He won't be back until the full moon. So we have
this extraordinary opportunity, and you're an incredibly attractive
man! It turns out everything is in place. What else can we do
but to give into such an opportunity?"
She is brazen, confident. She dresses seductively, we're told
here. She dresses like a harlot, in the most eye-catching and
seductive way that she can. The young man who doesn't know any
better is overwhelmed by the offer.
When I was young, our family moved fairly often. When I finished
elementary school, we moved to another town, and I entered junior
high. I finished junior high, and then we moved again and I began
high school. After two years, we moved to yet another town, and
I finished high school there. So during the period when I was
going through adolescence, becoming interested in girls and gaining
social skills, we kept changing environments. I'd end up in a
new school, make new friends, try to join a social group, and
hope to be both attractive and attracted to someone, and then
we'd move again. By the time I was a junior in high school I had
many more questions than answers about the whole area of male-female
relationships. But I did play football, and enjoyed success as
an athlete in the new school I entered in the fall of my junior
year.
Now, there was a girl in that high school who, I later realized,
had become sexually active at an early age. She had learned by
the time she was seventeen to confidently use her sexuality, the
way she dressed, the way she talked, to get what she wanted in
life. I was new to the school, a varsity football player, and
she decided to add me to her collection, and my relative naivete
made me vulnerable. She knew exactly what she was doing. She used
a combination of physical attractiveness, confidence, party atmospheres
cleverly arranged, and other subtleties. It was very enticing.
I think the only thing that kept me from making some very bad
choices then is that I had become a Christian six months earlier.
The Spirit of God himself warned me, or protected me from dangers
I was unaware of. But I remember it all very clearly. I can recall
settings we were in, feeling the pull of sexual temptation very
powerfully.
An Ox to Slaughter
The young man in our story is dealing with something more dangerous
than a teenage temptress. This woman is not a contemporary of
his. She is older, married, hardened, somebody who knows exactly
what she is doing. He is no match for this woman in any sense.
The word that stands out in all of the story is "suddenly"
(Prov.7:22). The persuasions, the suggestions, the opportunity
add up; all of it comes together, and suddenly he decides to go
with heras an ox goes to the slaughter. Now she has power over
him. Whether her goal is money, social standing, or something
else, having achieved ownership she can use him for her own ends,
discard him at whatever point she chooses to, and do it again
to someone else. He's filled with a sense of his own desirability
and imagines a sexual fantasyland. He's like an ox being led to
the slaughter.
Now there are a number of lessons that we ought to draw from this
story. The first is the lesson that the father teaches at the
end. Sitting in the house now, they're looking out the window
together, watching what's going on. He says, "Recognize what
happens at the end of the story. Don't just be taken in by the
offer at the beginning." It is the clear and abiding wisdom
of Proverbs that you have got to know where the road is going
to lead before you can decide whether a course is right or wrong
for you.
A Wise Father
Another observation we can make is to contrast the two adults
in the story, the father and the woman. If you were to dramatize
this story, you'd have the father sitting in his home behind a
window with some kind of latticework across it. He is looking
out into the street and sees some distance away the young man,
who walks farther away, down another street, and into a house.
He can't really have heard the words of the seductress. Now stop
and consider: How does the father know what the woman said? Well,
he knows what she said because he's lived long enough to have
been there himself. The father knows what the world is like because
he's a mature man. He's had to live in the real world, and he's
encountered real seductive opportunities and dealt with them himself.
He knows the pull of them, the desire. He is in his home with
a grown son and he's a wise and righteous man. But he is also
the beneficiary of God's grace, which both protects and cleanses
us in the midst of a sinful world.
He should be directly contrasted with the woman in the story.
Like the father, she too is savvy; she knows what the world is
like. But their sexuality has turned into something different
for each of them. The father has used his capacity for intimacy
to make a marriage, to have children, to build a home. His love
for his wife, as we saw in Proverbs 5, has been carefully cultivated.
The possibilities of sexual attraction have led to real love,
real intimacy, real growth, and real joy.
The woman, also born with a capacity for attraction and intimacy,
has become hardened by the choices she's made. Maybe she was victimized
once. Maybe she naively listened to an offer and somebody used
her. And a hardening process began. Instead of appealing to God's
mercy for renewal, she chose to become more and more hardened.
There's no love in her life, no love for her husband, no love
for her victims, no relationship that lasts. Sexuality has become
a weapon, a source of power for the destruction of other people,
and ultimately of herself as well.
Wisdom (Christ) is a living person who draws alongside us as our
companion, affirms us, and strengthens us.
We don't frequently encounter someone who's deliberately aggressively
seductive like this. There are many adults who aren't consciously
trying to use one another, but feel the pull of sexual attraction.
Adolescents usually experience these feelings first in a mutually
confusing way. Most often we aren't in exactly the setting depicted
in this story. But we are always making choices in these areas
of our life that are either going to be life-producing or hardening,
one or the other. We are inclining ourselves more and more either
to be like the father in the story or to be like the woman.
Now let me make another point just in passing. Seducers are both
male and female. Those who are seduced are both male and female.
This story is one a father is teaching his son, so he's talking
about a dangerous woman. But obviously, in real life, men can
be manipulative, hardened, hurtful, users of women just as easily
as women can be of men.
A Secure Foundation
The most important lesson of all, in my opinion, is to recognize
that the young boy was vulnerable precisely because he wasn't
sure that he was attractive. The vulnerability that she played
on most powerfully was his uncertainty about his own value or
self-worth, his not having some clear sense that he knew who he
was, that he could value himself, and ultimately that he was certain
that God loved him. The clearest antidote to this kind of strategy
is to be able to say, "It doesn't matter to me whether you
think I'm the most special thing on earth or not, because ultimately
I derive my sense of value or worth from the Lord." The offer
of the seducer loses much of its power if an individual has a
deep and abiding sense of God's steadfast love. The best thing
we can give to young people in our lives is certainty that no
matter whether anybody else dotes on them or not, they are the
deeply cared for child of their heavenly Father. And his companionship
never ends; his approval can't be taken away. These certainties
strengthen us against the pull of temptation.
Finally, let me note that naivete returns in life; it isn't just
a period you go through once. You are naive about these matters
when you are a young person first discovering your sexuality.
But at some point in your life, when, for example, your children
have grown, your career has plateaued, and it's not clear that
you're ever going to go any farther than you've gone, when you
feel yourself on the downside of the hill instead of the upside,
you encounter new vulnerabilities. Just because we've learned
how to handle what Paul calls "youthful lusts" doesn't
mean we're ready for the time when we feel older and unattractive.
Someone who flatters us in that setting may powerfully test defenses
we once thought were secure.
Let's read the first verses of Proverbs 7. We skipped them before
we read the story of the fatal attraction:
Notice what the father is saying to his son. The best way to be
defended all your life, beginning now, is to have a companion,
to have this sister, this intimate friend, wisdom drawn as a human
figure. Recall the words of 1 Corinthians 1:30: "By his doing
you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God..."
Wisdom (Christ) is a living person who draws alongside us as our
companion, affirms us, and strengthens us.
Furthermore, the father is suggesting that it is the eyes and
the hands of the young man that particularly need to have wisdom
applied to them for this kind of problem. He focuses on vision
("apple of the eye") and the hands ("your fingers")
because those are the "gates" through which sexual temptation
primarily advances itself. Jesus made the same point in the Sermon
on the Mount. If your eye makes you stumble, pluck it out; if
your hand makes you stumble, cut it off (not literally, obviously).
(Matthew 5:29-30.) But deal ruthlessly with the information gained
from what you see and what you touch if you would be well-defended
against sexual sin.
This father knows what the real world is like. He is not just
teaching his son pious platitudes; he is aware that these dangers
exist in the world. There is no way you can protect your children
forever from having to go out into a world like this. He knows
what the brazen woman is like, but he also knows what the alternatives
are, and he's given his son wisdom, direction, choices, and strength
to face what's out there.
These are words that will continue to apply to us as we grow older,
because we keep entering new stages in which we are unsure of
ourselves, in which we have new vulnerabilities. Yet the same
answers continue to hold true. It is the presence of our loving
Lord himself, Wisdom who is a person, who can be known and cared
about, that is our firm defense.
Copyright © 1991 Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. This data file is the sole property of Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. It may be copied only in its entirety for circulation freely without charge. All copies of this data file must contain the above copyright notice. This data file may not be copied in part, edited, revised, copied for resale or incorporated in any commercial publications, recordings, broadcasts, performances, displays or other products offered for sale, without the written permission of Discovery Publishing. Requests for permission should be made in writing and addressed to Discovery Publishing, 3505 Middlefield Rd. Palo Alto, CA. 94306-3695.