The words of King Lemuel,
the oracle which his mother taught him.
King Lemuel is not anybody we know elsewhere in Bible history.
He is not one of the kings of Israel or Judah. He probably lived
long before the monarchy was established in Israel. If you remember
the story of Abraham, he fought against four kings from east of
the Jordan (Gen.14). These were the heads of small city-states
or tribes; they weren't kings of empires, but of small regions.
Lemuel may have lived as far back as the time of Abraham. Although
he wasn't part of the history of the covenant people of God, he
was clearly a man who knew God. Job is another figure in the Bible
who knew and served God in his generation without being included
in any genealogy of salvation history.
So Lemuel was a king, and his mother was a wise woman. She had
important insights to share about being a king. And then she asked
the question in Prov.31:10, which we'll come to in due course,
"An excellent wife, who can find?" Now some scholars
say that the section beginning with Prov.31:10 is a separate literary
work, not part of Lemuel's reflections. But I'm convinced it belongs
here and should be read as part of the insight the king received
from his mother.
The role of women in the world has undergone many changes in the
last thirty years. There are no conventions anymore, no established
doctrines that everybody agrees or adheres to. There are changes
daily in the contemporary analysis of these things. And yet we
go back to an ancient document, a very learned woman's teaching
to her son about women. I hope that we will find truths that are
compelling and helpful in today's uncertain world.
Royal Responsibilities
But the first lesson is not about women. It's about being a king.
Let's read the oracle that the mother of Lemuel taught him. Proverbs
31:2-9:
The first lesson is, "Don't waste your life pursuing sexual
adventures or clouding your mind with alcohol [and we can by extension
add the various drugs of our culture]." You can't lead and
bless other people if you dissipate yourself on what isn't valuable
and lasting.
The redemptive grace of God makes people free, clothed with dignity
and strength, hopeful about tomorrow, excited about life, and
filled with joy
Kings have responsibilities, as Lemuel's mother reminds him in
Prov.31:5. They are to recall what is decreed; that is, they are
to remember the laws that ultimately come from heaven, from the
mind and heart of God, and to teach and meditate on them. And
they are to be concerned about the needy. Political leadership
exists not for the sake of the powerful, who can defend themselves
and make their way in life. Political authority exists, when it's
appropriate, for those who are unfortunate, who are can't adequately
speak for themselves or defend themselves. Now there may be men
in Lemuel's life who taught him how to fight wars and deal with
political intrigues. But his mother taught him passion and self-control.
An Excellent Wife
The second section of Proverbs 31 is the one we've anticipatedthe
description of a noble or excellent wife. This material is not
organized thematically, and we're going to have to jump around
a bit to consider it. Proverbs 31:10-31 form an acrostic in Hebrew.
The first letter of each of the 22 verses of this section, when
read in sequence, spell out the Hebrew alphabet. It's probably
written that way to help in memorization, among other things.
Proverbs 31:10-31:
How in the world is anybody ever going to live like this? This
is a remarkably gifted woman, successful at everything she attempts
over a broad range of life. And the question, "Who can find
such an excellent wife?" is a realistic one. Women without
flaws or weakness don't exist in real life.
An Impressive Example
Jill Briscoe wrote a book called Queen of Hearts on this chapter
of Proverbs, and in her preface she talked about the overwhelming
nature of this woman:
The Proverbs 31 woman has long stood as the Statue of Libertyat
the harbor of the City of Womanhood, welcoming all who flee from
being anything less than perfect. But what if I have runs in
my stocking (I'm sure they were all right when I left home);
consistently lose one of my husband's socks in the washing machine;
and regularly misplace my car in the supermarket parking lot
(It's blue sirI know it's blue!)? Is there any hope for me if
I dream of writing a book about my small children called From
Here to Insanity? and if I am shaped like a pillow instead of
a post?
Is there any hope for a woman if she's not everything she ought
to be, facing this description of an excellent wife? What response
do we havewomen or menwhen encountering a life that is noble and
lived to the full? Do we find ourselves filled with hope or sinking
in hopelessness?
I'd like to suggest three categories for our consideration of
these lessons. First, what do we learn about this woman in her
relationships with people? The second is relationships with things;
that is, creativity, accomplishments, the efforts she puts forth.
And the third is a relationship with God.
Many of the tensions about roles for women in the modern world
can be traced to the industrial revolution. In ancient times,
certainly when this was written, there wasn't much division between
home and work. People worked on farms, with the field and the
vineyard close to home. The production of food and clothing, the
training of children, the making of musical instruments and art
objects, everything required to live life, took place in the context
of a family business. The husband and the wife were both part
of it, and so were the children. There was continuity between
being at home and being at work. In the modern world, where work
has been taken a great distance away from home, women have greater
struggles with how to balance their lives. Yet human nature doesn't
change. All of us were made for relationships: for family, for
friendships, for people to know and influence and to be influenced
by. We all have minds and skills, and we want to make a mark on
life, to use the creative powers God has given us, men and women
both. And all of us were made to know God.
Relationships with Others
Let's take human relationships first. What do we learn from what
people say about the noble wife in these verses? Proverbs 31:28
makes the clear statement, "Her children rise up and bless
her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 'Many daughters
have done nobly, but you excel them all.'" Her children appreciate
her and honor her. We frequently encounter horror stories about
terrible mothers who destroy the lives of their children, but
this woman's children remember nothing but her goodness, that
she poured her life into them. As adults they look back with praise,
thanking their mother and blessing her name.
Her husband, we're told, speaks of her as being the greatest among
women. "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them
all." Look back at Prov.31:11-12, where we're told a little
bit more about her husband. "The heart of her husband trusts
in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and
not evil all the days of her life." There is obviously intimacy
in the relationship between this woman and her husband. You can't
deeply benefit somebody who won't allow you close enough, who
won't be vulnerable enough to expose his needs. She does good
to him all the days of her life because they have grown close
and aware, knowledgeable, and concerned for each other. And it
says that her husband in that kind of vulnerability trusts her
absolutely. He trusts her with his feelings, with his fears. He
trusts her when he's gone. This husband, who has received good
from the trust he's placed in his wife, is able to say, after
the years of their marriage, "She is the best woman of all."
It's very clear that in her closest relationships, those within
her family, there is deep approval and mutual love. These relationships
are outstanding and ones that we can be attracted to immediately.
But praise also comes from those outside her family. In Prov.31:31,
it says, "Give her the product of her hands, and let her
works praise her in the gates." She receives public praise;
everybody appreciates her. This morning we read the story of the
marriage of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 4). All the women of the town
of Bethlehem offer public praise for the woman Ruth. And this
Proverbs 31 woman is praised in public as well.
Another word about her relationship with others considers the
women who work for her. Proverbs 31:15 mentions maidens who work
in the family business that's being run here. She's overseeing
family business that includes a vineyard, making clothing for
sale, organizing food, and buying and selling of various sorts.
But she gets up early in the morning even before the dawn and
prepares food. She's thoughtful enough to make sure that the people
who work for her have enough to eat and that all is well with
them. And we can assume that they, too, respect and appreciate
her.
And we might well imagine that the poor and needy to whom she
extends her hand in Prov.31:20 are grateful as well. She's not
the kind of woman who is concerned just about the circle of people
around her and is willing to let everyone else fend for themselves.
She's committed to those who are poor.
We encounter this woman in the roles of wife, mother, daughter,
neighbor and overseer. If you ask, "How does she get along
with people?" The answer is very well indeed. She enjoys
wonderful success in her relationships with other human beings.
Creative Accomplishment
What about her gifts, her ability to use her hands and head, her
skills and mind? What do we learn from her about taking the God-given
creativity that is in every human being and using it to the full?
Her hands and arms are noted more than once. It says that she
strengthens her arms. Now, that probably doesn't mean weight lifting,
but rather that they're made more skillful. They accomplish much.
She makes clothes that not only keep her family warm in the winter,
but are beautiful and appreciated by others.
But it's not just her hands, her mechanical skills, that are in
view, but her mind as well. She's a decisive person; she knows
what she's doing. She plans ahead. There are a number of references
in this chapter to thinking about the future. When winter comes,
she doesn't worry or panic, because she's already made provision.
She gets up early in the morning to make the food for the people
who work in her household. She thinks ahead of time about what
needs to be done. And these abilities to organize and anticipate,
to see consequences and arrange for them ahead of time, as anyone
who works in business knows, are managerial skills that are very
important. They require a fine intellect.
In Prov.31:16 it says that she buys a field and plants a vineyard
that's going to be part of the family business, but she considers
it ahead of time. She doesn't go out and buy any old field. She
looks aroundthis field over here isn't any good (we can imagine
her looking at the vines and tasting the grapes), and the second
one she looks at won't do either. But eventually, she comes to
the right one, and having done the thinking and dealing with the
owner, she's able to buy a field.
Fear of the Lord
Lastly, Prov.31:30 talks about her relationship with God. Her
relationships with people are excellent. Her use of her gifts
is outstanding. And then the question about worship might well
be asked. Is she someone who knows God well, who is deeply influenced
by him? And the answer is yes, as we might expect. Proverbs 31:30:
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears
the LORD, she shall be praised."
Charm and beauty are transitory and lack substance. What matters
ultimately is your relationship with God. What makes a woman excellent,
what makes a person successful in life, is this deep fear of God
that we've talked about, that shows up all through Proverbs. When
the thought of displeasing the Lord is abhorrent to you, you have
learned to fear him. And this woman, as described here, has been
able to take her eyes off her own appearance and focus instead
on the thoughts of God for her, and therefore, she should be praised.
When the thought of displeasing the Lord is abhorrent to you,
then you have learned to fear him
She's an amazing lady, isn't she? She has great relationships,
a wonderful family, and a wonderful reputation with workers, the
poor, the townspeopleindeed all who know her. She's gifted at
what she does, and her enterprise hums along smoothly. Her children
bless her because she attends to them and brings them up lovingly.
And then on top of it all, she is a woman of deep spirituality
and fear of the Lord. You sort of feel, as Jill Briscoe said,
that it's a bit overwhelming.
But what I was primarily drawn to in this description of the Proverbs
31 woman was not her accomplishments. What I was most drawn to
was her joy, the freedom with which she lived her life. There
is great pressure today for women, as well as for men and children,
but women in particular, to live up to some standard that they
didn't have an opportunity to create or agree to. And even when
they succeed in doing everything they're supposed to do, there's
a horrible sense of loss. It's done with dreariness. It's being
forced from them. Life is being used up in a desperate race to
achieve the impossible.
It is exactly the opposite with this woman. Every day she bounds
out of bed early, before the sun is even up. She can't wait to
get at it! She's doing things for people. She likes being creative,
being a wife and mother, and making economic decisions. It isn't
just getting things done, but doing them well that matters to
her. And she looks forward to opportunities to bring blessing.
There's a fearlessness about her. Nothing's being taken from her;
she's giving herself away.
Now, we may not be anywhere near as talented as this woman is,
but the question still remains: Where does the joy come from?
Where do we get this kind of freedom? Don't most of us live instead
with tragedies, hurts, and self-recrimination?
Strength and Dignity
Look at Prov.31:25-26. I'd like to focus here as we close. "Strength
and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She
opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on
her tongue." Now, she's clothed herself and everybody else
in her family with garments that are both useful and beautiful.
But Lemuel sees not just the external, but the clothing of the
inner person as wellshe's covered with strength and dignity. She
is a strong person. She is unafraid. She looks forward to the
future, not with dread but with optimism. And she is woman who
is both wise and kind: isn't that a great combination? Her mouth
speaks wisdom, but it's not hard, rough-edged wisdom. There is
a deep kindness about it, so that she is able to be sensitive,
and bring blessing with her wisdom.
The question of Prov.31:10 keeps coming back: Where do you find
people like this? I think the question of where you find them
leads us to a different question: How do they come into being?
And the answer is that they are the work of God. It is the redemptive
grace of God that makes people free, clothed with dignity and
strength, hopeful about tomorrow, excited about life, and filled
with joy. The message of the gospel announces the reversal of
human sorrow, failure, and darkness; all are transformed by resurrection
life. God uses other people and directly influences us by his
Spirit to make us who we ought to be. I'm not suggesting that
any of this is easy or that it comes quickly. It is the wonderful
redeeming, sanctifying work of God, making people what they once
were not. Everybody starts out with a tragedy, but he takes the
tragedy and makes something glorious of it.
Dorothy Sayers wrote a famous essay in the forties. It's called
Are Women Human? She said early in the essay:
Indeed, it is my experience that both men and women are
fundamentally human, and that there is little mystery about either
sex, except the exasperating mysteriousness of human beings in
general.
The issue here is not so much the significant differences between
men and women, but more how to have a life that is joyful, valuable,
and filled with relationships, creativity and worship. What's
mysterious is being human. And then she goes on to discuss why
women ought to be drawn to Christ, and why they have always been.
Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were the first at the cradle
and last at the cross. They had never known a man like this man.
There has never been such another: a prophet and a teacher who
never nagged at them, who never flattered or coaxed or patronized,
who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them as either
"the women, God help us," or "the ladies, God bless
them," who rebuked without querulousness and praised without
condescension, who took their questions and arguments seriously,
who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to
be feminine or jeered at them for being female, who had no axe
to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend, who took them as
he found them and was completely un-self-conscious. There is no
act, no sermon, no parable in the whole gospel that bars its pungency
from female perversity. Nobody could guess from the words and
deeds of Jesus that there was anything funny about a woman's nature.
They were first at the cradle and last at the cross, drawn to
someone who, because of his love for them, conferred strength
and dignity upon them and made them people of wisdom and kindness.
These qualities come from Christ. It is ultimately the long, wonderful,
saving work of Jesus to make us free to be joyful, creative, and
excited about life.
Copyright © 1991 Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. This data file is the sole property of Discovery Publishing, a ministry of Peninsula Bible Church. It may be copied only in its entirety for circulation freely without charge. All copies of this data file must contain the above copyright notice. This data file may not be copied in part, edited, revised, copied for resale or incorporated in any commercial publications, recordings, broadcasts, performances, displays or other products offered for sale, without the written permission of Discovery Publishing. Requests for permission should be made in writing and addressed to Discovery Publishing, 3505 Middlefield Rd. Palo Alto, CA. 94306-3695.