WALKING AS FAMILY

SERIES: LEARNING TO WALK

By Steve Zeisler


“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1, NIV.)  A faithful person counts on things that cannot be seen in the moment, but remain true, unfailing, and powerful.

Evangelical Christians tend to major in explanations. We can announce an opinion on any number of concerns, including the federal deficit, textbooks for sixth-graders, prison reform, childhood obesity, and just about everything else you can think of. We often give advice on how to handle life’s difficulties.

But the best gift that Christians can give to the world is not good advice, but to declare what can’t be seen, the presence and purpose of God, which we know by faith. It’s also the best gift that mature Christians can give to those who are younger members of Jesus’ family.

The book of Ephesians in the New Testament recognizes that there are things too deep for us to see, things that are veiled to our sight at present, things that can’t be seen because they are future to us—knowing the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, our enthronement with Christ in heavenly places, the summing up of all things in Christ.

The letter ends with a section (beginning with 6:10) that describes invisible realities that are evil. Danny Hall preached on those final paragraphs of Ephesians (Discovery Paper 4985), which give an account of our battle with spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places.

In this series on Ephesians 4:1-6:9, we have been learning to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which [we] have been called.” Much of this instruction concerns practical life choices, but we will do well to remember, as we conclude with this message, that practical choices must be expressions of faith (certainty of things that are unseen), not strategies for us to accomplish on our own.

The section 6:1-9 is about parents and children and about the workplace. I want to spend most of our time on the former, an arena in which spiritual warfare is so evident today, so we’re going to discuss them in reverse order.

Ephesians 6:1-9:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free.

And masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

Authority in the workplace

Starting with verse 5, we read “Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters....” Slavery, of course, is not being endorsed in this text. Indeed, when the Christian gospel penetrates a society, it leads to a furthering of justice, respect, and freedom.

But in the Ephesian church, masters and slaves were both present. In that context Paul was writing to give them help in how to live Christianly in their circumstances. In our time his insights can be used for employees and managers, for those who are under authority and those who have authority in the workplace.

Sometimes young Christians let enthusiasm for their new faith lead them into irresponsible behavior. Thrilled to know that they are now children of the King, the temple of the Holy Spirit, they begin to question the authority of mere human bosses. Rather than allowing their new faith to foster humility in the workplace, they become proud. Perhaps you’ve known young Christians who spend their time at work studying the Bible (with cool Bible-study software downloaded to the company computer). Or they show up late for work because they are active in ministry. The rationale is, “I have the right to do these things, because I’m answering to a higher authority.”

But Paul declares such choices to be irresponsible. We should be faithful to do our jobs. He says in both verses 5 and 6 that our motives (“from the heart”) are important. We should do a good job not just when we’re being watched and not for the sake of appearance alone.

We have a deck in our backyard, and all of the planks that are on the outside of the deck, where you can see them looking endwise, are an inch thick. But all the rest of the planks are only half an inch thick. The man who built the deck charged us for the more expensive, thicker planks. He was a crook.

We honor God or not in how hard we work, in telling the truth, in the way we carry out our responsibilities in the workplace.

Paul writes to slaves, and by extension to employees, that your reward will come from Christ. Remember this when your boss doesn’t give you credit for the things you do. Choose to serve your Lord. Carry out your duties as unto him.

In verse 9 Paul says some very helpful things to managers as well. He says, “Don’t bully workers. Motivate them by treating them the same way you would want to be treated.” You can honor the Lord by the way you manage those who work for you.

If you are a manager, you should recognize that the most important numbers are not the sales figures reported at the end of the quarter. The most important numbers are made known at the end of the age, when the One who is keeping track of everything will review your life with you. You have a Master in heaven. All of us live with his gaze upon us, and that fact should motivate us to be honest, hardworking, faithful, kindhearted, and concerned for others in the workplace.

Now let’s go back to the first four verses. We’ll see some helpful insights about families here.

Children, obey your parents

Paul’s first word is to children: “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you....” One thing worth noting immediately is that Paul addresses the children in the church. This would have been unusual in the first century, when children weren’t considered important. We might think of these children as ten to twelve years of age, old enough to understand what is being taught, to respond to it. In writing this letter, the apostle expects the children to be present, and he expects them to listen. He has a word for them that is not mediated through their parents—God’s word spoken directly to them.

Paul’s addressing children would have remarkable for his time, but it’s unusual for the opposite reason in our time: we sometimes wonder if children will be willing to let adults address them. But in any case, we should note that they’re being taken seriously, and they can and should know God and respond to him. Their life choices are important.

Children are told first to obey. That obedience leads to the honoring of parents. I think Paul is suggesting a continuum here. Beginning with obedience, which leads to honor, we come then to believe ourselves to be valuable. If you come from an honorable place, you’re an honorable person. If the parents who brought you up are worthy servants of God, then God must be concerned for you as well.

I just read Donald Miller’s very delightful book To Own a Dragon (1). He is a fine writer with a good sense of humor, but he grew up without a dad. One of the central points he makes is that he struggled to find value in himself, because he thought, “I wasn’t important enough for my father to stick around. I got thrown away early. I must be worthless.”

The reverse is what is being discussed here: you obey your parents, leading to honor, resulting in a sense that you yourself are a valuable person, one whom God wants to know and whom he invites to know him.

Finally, at the end of this continuum is worship of God. Growing up in a setting of this kind, where the parents who go before you invest in you and you respect them for it, leads finally to worship of God. You can’t dishonor your origins and have a healthy view of yourself or the Lord. As happened in Miller’s case, the gospel must intervene to make all things new.

Perhaps we could think of this instruction as the exercise of a muscle. If you exercise a muscle, it grows strong. What we see in this text is that a person growing from childhood to adolescence to adulthood will strengthen one of two muscles. They will strengthen the muscle that stiffens their neck so that they grow harder, more isolated, more certain that no one cares; the neck will grow stiffer and stiffer, less able to bend, so that neither God nor anybody else can require anything of them. Or they will strengthen the muscle that bends their knees so that they humble themselves, and learning to be able to do that allows them to thank God for the rest of their life.

We might also notice that the call to honor your parents comes with a promise. It’s for your good. It makes a better person out of you, a more beautiful person, a more joyful person. It’s not a threat: “Honor your parents or else.” You should honor your parents so that you gain the good that God intends for you.

Before we move on, let me state the obvious: Some families are hurtful. Some parents are cruel, absent, hardhearted. But if it’s true that you were given an unhealthy environment to grow up in, God will replace your parents. He will give you what you did not have. He will become the parent that you need.

Parents, bring up your children in the Lord

Parents are given instruction here as well. They are told in verse 4, “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I used to think that this meant that parents should never get angry. They should be like Mr. Rogers, always gentle and soft-spoken, intuitively understanding everything, making all the right decisions.

But I’m sure now that Paul’s instruction, “Do not provoke your children,” doesn’t mean that. Provoking to anger is about something much deeper. “Don’t burden your children with an angry spirit.  Don’t shape your children so that resentment (or fear) colors every experience.”

All parents and children will clash. When our daughter Sarah was seven or eight years old, she and I had it out over whether she was going to brush her teeth or not before she went to bed. She insisted that she would not, and I insisted that she would. I finally picked her up and marched her down the hall to the bathroom. On the way she was screaming at the top of her lungs, “Child abuse! Child abuse!” I remember being concerned that our neighbors might be listening to this, and wondered what they were going to think.

But avoiding all disagreement with one’s children is not what Paul is talking about here. Both parents and children are fallen human beings learning to get along with each other.

What, then, are we being taught? The provocation that I think Paul is talking about might include treating children as trophies, valuing them only as adornments to one’s reputation.

Or maybe you know someone who looks back on childhood concluding, “My parents never protected me when I asked for help. I was vulnerable, but they didn’t care enough to notice or intervene when I was hurting.”

Or perhaps, “Every expression of love I ever got from my parents was based on performance. Their consistent message was, ‘Do well and you’ll get rewarded.’”

The alternative to life-twisting provocation is to raise children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Parents are called to serve Christ in the lives of their children. Children learn most by following the path of their parents, modeling themselves after their parents. If our children see us admit mistakes and ask Christ for forgiveness, stumble and get back on our feet again, if our children see in us a growing love for the One who loved us first, they will have received the best gift we can give them.

As I mentioned, the book of Ephesians ends with a description of spiritual battle. Verse 10 says, “Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.” Families are under attack from the evil one. Parents are too stressed and busy. The world is moving too fast. Both mother and father feel pressed to work too many hours, commute too far, and pay attention to too many responsibilities.

If children decide to take a wrong turn, they have terrible options available to them. A hundred years ago, if you wanted to be the baddest kid in your small town, you couldn’t get into too much trouble. Today, a young person who wants to rebel can ruin his life in spades pretty quickly.

But let’s remember that if this book identifies the wiles of the devil, it also says that we have an alternative: to put on the armor of God. We clothe ourselves with Christ, and we have an answer to the one who would destroy us. “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

Ephesians 6:18 says, “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints....” We trust God together for the strength and wisdom to raise our children. We pray with one another and for one another. It is true that we have an invisible enemy. But it is also true that our Savior will not forsake his own.


Notes

1.                   Donald Miller, To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up without a Father, © 2006, NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO.

Scripture quotations are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE (“NASB”). © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Catalog No. 4990
Ephesians 6:1-9
Fifth Message
Steve Zeisler
May 28, 2006